My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
