Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
