Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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