I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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