I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
