We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How does one acquire holy water?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
