I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
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well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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