Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
