I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
