Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
