Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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