Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
