Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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