we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
