guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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