I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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