new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
