belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
