"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
