i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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