I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
