OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
