You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
