u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
