I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
