Sry I called you an 8
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
