just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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