tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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