It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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