she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
