what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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