Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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