there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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