This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
BRING THE BAGELS
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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