the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
