how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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