I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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