Who did Billy Mays play for?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
