On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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