maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
