I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
