We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
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i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
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Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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