somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
