the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
