i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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