My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
