you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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