just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
