Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i now understand why vodka
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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