Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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