Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
