i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize