I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
