me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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