3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
