Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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