Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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