Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
