you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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