the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
