Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
