Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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