Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
