1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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