hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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