stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
