Just cropdusted the office
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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