I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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