At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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