We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
