I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
