If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
