Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Someone signed my nipple.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
