Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
