that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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