I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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