Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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