I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
