So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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