none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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