I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
