yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
