Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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