I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
