whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
