Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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