why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
