Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
