i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
